you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
