3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
