I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
