I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
