I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
