I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
