At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize