Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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