I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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