U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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