Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
