Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
