I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
