haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
