don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize