My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
