Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
