no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
