Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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