I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
