if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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