omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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