Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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