guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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