final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
