Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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