All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
