I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
