when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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