Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As shirtless as possible
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
