my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
