Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
