I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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