He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
