Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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