I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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