So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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