So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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