I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
