He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
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My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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