there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
