Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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