there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
