alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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