She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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