Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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