Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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