haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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