apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
