The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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