last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
