There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
