As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
