I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
