I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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