VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
