if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He passed out mid-signature
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
