my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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